On Calling, again

As I wrote earlier this year, I’m participating in Marci Glass’s STARward project, in which participants reflect on a word given to them by Marci (who not only writes a thoughtful blog, but also happens to be the pastor of a church a few blocks from where I live). I drew the word calling.

It’s been a fortuitous word.

I.

As I write this, I’m sitting in the room of a historic hotel in Washington, D.C., half-watching the construction going on across the street. The heavy equipment emits a steady stream of growls and whines and beeps, and despite my attempts to render it background noise, it’s a constant distraction.

It’s also a metaphor.

II.

I was in D.C. yesterday for a day of work, but I stayed an extra night so that I wouldn’t have to take a red eye home to Boise.  My plane doesn’t take off until 2:30, but instead of setting out early to explore one of my favorite cities (my modus operandi), I’m in self-preservation mode, trying to save all my energy.  This week is marked by two sets of papers to grade and two sets of final exams.  I’m usually a better end-of-semester planner, but this time I failed in a big way—especially since last week involved reviewing 640 pages of grant applications as well.

Plus, this is the time of year when I’m most likely to get sick.  (Witness last year’s bout of antibiotic-resistant pneumonia.)  So instead of venturing out into D.C., I sit here, at my aging laptop, thinking about all the things I’d like to build—while being distracted by the sounds of people actually building across Massachusetts Avenue NW.

III.

A quick review. . .

In an earlier post on calling, I wrote about the values and qualities I’d like to have more of in my professional life.  I listed:

  • congruity between thought and action/a greater alignment between how I want to spend my working hours and how I’m actually working
  • synthesis of my various interests, and clarity in articulating them to others
  • experimentation with new knowledge and the fluency that comes from regular practice of emerging skills and vocabularies
  • receptivity to new opportunities
  • financial stability

And I acknowledged the qualities that I have in abundance in my current job:

  • autonomy
  • supportiveness
  • collegiality (and especially humor)
  • enthusiasm

I also wrote about the calling I feel:

  • I am called to encourage all people to become fully engaged with lifelong learning, by participating more fully, for example, in crafting their community’s historical narratives or in local citizen science projects.
  • I am called to open dialogues with people who hold very different beliefs from me, not in the hope of changing minds, but of provoking deeper thought in all conversants.
  • I am called to help people become explorers or creators of whatever matters to them, and to help them share their passions with others.
  • I am called to various genres of reflective writing, including poetry and essays.

IV.

In recent months, my ideas about calling have not changed, but I’ve sought ways to restore the balance to my personal life.  Lucas is growing fast in every way, and he needs both parents a lot right now.  Fang is always there for him, but my work keeps me out of the house a good deal, and even when I am home, I’m often playing catch-up.

This work situation is not sustainable, especially since we’ve been hemorrhaging money since moving here. It would be one thing if we were saving for a better near-future, but it’s quite the opposite. I’ll spare you the details.

V.

Since I moved to Boise, my sister has had two children, my grandmother has died, and my aunt has developed brain cancer. My parents will turn 70 next year. Meanwhile, on every visit to Long Beach, Lucas announces he wants to move there to be closer to family. He recently informed us he’s saving up money so we can move to Long Beach.

Meanwhile, Fang is trying desperately to provide a stable social life for Lucas, as—long, unbloggable story—it’s not happening at school. So I can’t talk about wanting—needing—to leave this place because Fang is worried people won’t invest socially and emotionally in the boy if our departure seems imminent.  And of course, the same thing applies to me and my career at work.

So, now I have this big new goal, but I need to be relatively quiet about pursuing it.  That’s not my style; I’m twitching and champing at the bit. (So, yes, I’m blogging about it.)

VI.

I know from years of searching that jobs for humanities Ph.D.s in Long Beach and its environs are limited largely to universities, and they’re not exactly in a hiring boom. Perhaps I’ll return to academic technology, but more likely I’ll go the entrepreneurial route.

Of course, establishing a business requires either a good deal of spare time from one’s regular job—or a total dedication to the task and a comfortable financial cushion, neither of which I have right now.

It would be easy to throw up my hands and let the financial situation circumscribe my life even further.  But because this is about family, and especially about Lucas, I need to  double down.  I need to learn to ignore the constant metaphorical beeps and growls and whines that constitute the distractions in my professional environment.

VII.

Progress.

1. I’m 95 percent finished with the first draft of a guide for students on how to write argumentative essays.  Despite Rebecca Schuman’s fatwa on the college essay, I’m betting the assignment won’t vanish anytime soon. I plan to get the guide edited, then publish it as an ebook and perhaps print-on-demand.  I’ll let you know when it’s finished.

2. I’ve filed for an LLC and set up the website for a college admissions consulting business.  (The idea emerged from this summer’s internship.)  I’ll be contacting local schools soon to see if I can give some presentations on what the various disruptions in higher education mean for incoming students, and how those disruptions should affect and inform students’ search for the right college.  You can check out the site if you’re curious, and subscribe to the blog.  If you know anyone with students in high school, please share the blog with them; even if they don’t become my clients, I want to help them learn about the rapidly changing landscape of higher ed.

(And yes, when I’ve talked with a couple fellow faculty about my rates, they were astonished. I’ve done my research, and rest assured that at these prices my assistance, even priced as it is, is a bargain.  My goal is not just to support my family, but to get to a point where I’m financially independent enough to spend time doing a good deal of pro bono admissions advising with underrepresented students.)

3. I’ve started a mastermind group with my sister, who is also new to entrepreneurship. Talking with her—she’s one of my favorite people—motivates me to get quickly to the point where Fang, Lucas, and I can move to Long Beach. (Check out her blog if you like new-parent stories.)

I have a timeline in mind—and it’s a generous one; no move is imminent—but I’m not ready to share it here.

VIII.

So, my calling, amended to include personal goals as well as professional ones:

  • I am called to put family first, and to live near family.
  • I am called to encourage all people to become fully engaged with lifelong learning.
  • I am called to help people become explorers or creators of whatever matters to them, and to help them share their passions with others.

I want to know about your calling. Are you living your calling? If not, what steps are you taking to get there?

Some serious Dorothy Wordsworth shit

I.

To make it clear that Lucas is not their cause, Fang and I try to explain our occasional bouts of depression to him as “bad brain chemicals.”

It’s been a week of bad brain chemicals for me, with the situation becoming critical on Friday, Saturday, and today. I alternated rest with long walks, conversation with inner monologues. These things usually help, but the bad chemicals persisted.

A revelation startled me from my nap this afternoon; I fetched the pill bottle from the bathroom and realized I had accidentally consolidated two different kinds of visually similar pills into the same bottle.  I typed the imprint number of one of them into a web-based pill identifier and realized I’d been taking an anti-nausea drug (prescribed to me during my epic bout with pneumonia early this year) instead of an antidepressant.  Worse, the anti-nausea pills tempered the first and most obvious withdrawal symptom I experience when I forget to take an antidepressant: nausea.

I popped a generic Prozac into my mouth at 3 p.m. today, my first dose in two weeks.

II.

Tonight I began reading, for the first time—I begin teaching it in my history survey tomorrow—Laurel Thatcher Ulrich’s A Midwife’s Tale.  Ulrich interprets the life of Martha Ballard, a New England midwife who kept a journal from 1789 to 1812.  Ulrich uses additional sources to enrich and extrapolate from Ballard’s journal.

It’s one thing, I imagine, to read Ulrich’s book, and Ballard’s entries quoted within it, when one is healthy.

It’s another experience entirely when one is ill.  I’ve been feeling quiet gratitude all evening for the accident of being born into an era of antibiotics, vaccines, and—yes—pharmacological mental health care.

III.

Ballard’s diary features an extensive cast of characters, but we only ever get fleeting glimpses of them. Undoubtedly Ballard knew her neighbors well—she delivered more than 800 of their children—but I can’t claim the same about my own neighborhood.  A casual 21st-century reader of Ballard’s diary probably learns more about her neighbors than I know of mine.

IV.

One of the things I worried about when I first started taking antidepressants more than a dozen years ago was that the remnant darknesses in my brain were the source of my creative writing.  I worried that if I messed with the serotonin bouncing between receptors, I’d be disinclined to write.  My therapist poo-pooed this fear.

But I was correct.  My creative output dropped immediately and precipitously when I started taking the pills.

I’m amused, therefore, that despite the irritability and impaired function that marked the past several days, while I’ve been off my prescription my brain has, unbidden by any conscious desire on my part, been formulating scraps of poetry, little scenes, and character sketches.

V.

When alienated suburbanites discover their neighbors have committed some horrifying crime, a common response is, “but he seemed like such a nice man, quiet. . .kept to himself.”  If such were the case with one of my neighbors—he keeps to himself, so I don’t know his name, but let’s go with John—my reaction would be different.

Perhaps: He seemed like such a fastidious man. Not only did he mow his lawn more than once each week, but he used a leaf blower to chase off any stray cut blades that hid in the monotonous green expanse.  When he finally committed to the potential messiness of a narrow garden along the foundation of the house, he spent four days arranging and rearranging topiary and potted ornamental grasses before planting them in the completely level ground.

It would be easy to dismiss him, I suppose, as a shallow suburbanite.  After all, John looks the part; at a glance, he reminds me of one of the brunette men Fang found interchangeable on Battlestar Gallactica. And his choice of plantings is predictable.

Still, I’m sure the other neighbors appreciate his zen-like dedication to removing the tiniest weeds from the sidewalk cracks, his careful stacking of gray pavers to create a tiny retaining wall at the corner of his yard.

I pretend that because of my generosity of interpretation—John’s behavior is zen, not obsessive-compulsive; he is fastidious rather than shallow—he looks across the street at our yard, shakes his head, and instead of calling our lawn—uneven in grass color, species, and length, and bordered by an untamed profusion of perennials of questionable appeal—trashy, he mutters, That is some serious Dorothy Wordsworth shit.

Quick update

hatching

I think it’s safe to say phone interview #2, a fairly informal chat, went extremely well.  I learned a lot about the institute and I’m impressed by what its staff has done and by the director’s vision for the future.  Plus, it ends up that the internship I did this summer matches up  neatly with the next initiative they’re developing at the institute.

It appears the pool of candidates has been winnowed to five, and I’m the only academic among them.  (The director kept noting how unusual it is for an academic to have my combination of skills; of course, I know plenty of academics with the same skill set, but apparently in the big picture, we’re rare birds.)  Fingers crossed that I make it to Round 3, a Skype interview.

I’ve been looking at housing prices in the area and kind of freaking out–it looks like the kind of house we’d want, even with a more-than-slightly painful commute, is going to be in the $2500 to $3000/month range.  I ran some quick calculations on salary, and I think it’s doable, especially since the benefits look to be awesome, so our healthcare costs should decline.  (When I was itemizing our 2012 tax returns, I learned that, even with health insurance from Boise State, we spent $10,000 on medical care and prescriptions last year. I don’t think that would be a problem at this new place.)

Fang keeps reminding me not to count my chickens before they hatch–and I’m not.  There’s no reason not to incubate the eggs though, right?  And in this kind of situation, I’m all about planning and strategizing.

 

Image by Laura Loveday, and used under a Creative Commons license

A matter of fit

I.

This week in our upper-division U.S. women’s history course, my 40 students and I are reading and discussing Susan Klepp’s Revolutionary Conceptions: Women, Fertility, and Family Limitation in America, 1760-1820 I’m really enjoying the book because I’m learning a ton from it, but it’s clear some students have already given up on it. Last class, one student commented that she found the writing terrible, and I said it takes time to learn to read an academic book like this one, and that I found it an easy read, but that’s only because I’ve paged through thousands such tomes.

I then asked students for whom the book was written.  Several answered “for us”—by which they meant students in a history course at a regional four-year university.

I explained it’s unlikely the author ever imagined undergraduates at Boise State would constitute the book’s primary audience, or even its secondary or tertiary one.  Students seemed surprised.

“Well, then, who’s it written for?” one asked.

“Other academic historians.”

Students seemed puzzled.  Why would anyone write for such a small audience, and why would they use such dense language?

 

II.

I don’t lecture in my classes.  It’s not my style.  Years ago, when I would attend humanities conferences where I was expected to present my research, I might prepare a paper, thinking I would play by the rules, but I’d end up speaking off the cuff, often in front of the podium instead of behind it.  When I do conferences now, I prefer roundtables and discussion over panels and presentations, and I like to talk about the state of the field rather than my own work.

But recently I’ve been invited to give more formal presentations on my work.  I’m even keynoting at an unconference.  (And yes, I get the irony.)

While I’m happy there’s interest in my work, I feel uneasy with the medium of the research presentation.

The last time I read part of my work aloud was during my job talk for my current job, when I was extremely nervous and pretending not to read.  When I was finished, the assembled faculty asked me to have a seat.  The chair fell apart under me.

Honestly, that’s how I feel after any formal presentation.  Disoriented and slightly embarrassed.

 

III.

I was talking with a friend today who was trying to figure out if she should stay in her current (exceptionally sought-after and rare) job in a field she loves but in a context she finds challenging.  Her alternative was a pink-collar job with great benefits and just-about-guaranteed raises every year, but which would likely be brain-deadening.  She wasn’t sure if brain-deadening was better than soul-killing.

I asked if there was a third path.

She moved on to talk about the land mines at work, which may or may not be metaphorical.

 

IV.

It’s all a matter of fit.

It’s no secret to longtime blog readers that I have a slippery academic and professional identity.  I move across fields, degrees, departments, and programs.  I switch sides, from staff to faculty and back again.

And back again?

Perhaps.  There’s been a lot of bloggy soul-searching recently–even more than usual, it seems–about how the dysfunctions of academia, and faculty life in particular, are beginning to snowball in earnest.  Work-life balance is more off-kilter than ever.  Faculty governance is disappearing along with the tenure track.  MOOC-thinking—education driven by efficiency rather than pedagogy—has widely infiltrated university administration. Pay is stagnating, with many faculty barely maintaining a fingerhold on the middle class.

If I were a single person without a kid, I would be counting my blessings. I adore my colleagues and my students.  My teaching load is ideal, and I have a good deal of autonomy in choosing what I teach.  I get course releases (although they’re never enough, are they?).  I find sufficient small grants to fund whatever project I might have at hand.  I’ve grown so much here in confidence and in skill, thanks to the supportive environment of my department.  (It’s entirely non-pathological, a rare beast!) And–again, if I were single–I might be happy with only a small apartment to maintain in a city whose scale is, if not walkable or bikeable (for me, at least), entirely reasonable.

But I’m not single.  I have a family, and accordingly my current position is not financially sustainable.  On paper, the salary is below median.  Once taxes and retirement savings and whatever else are taken out of it, my take-home salary is less than half what experts estimate it costs to maintain a family here in Boise.  Yes, Fang works, but he’s self-employed in the newspaper industry; I’m grateful for what he brings in (more grateful than ever), but we don’t know how long it will last.

Two clear paths forward:

1) Go up for tenure next year.  That would increase my pre-tax salary by around 14 percent starting roughly fall 2015, and would bring me almost back–in three more years–to where I was in my staff job in Davis.  It would likely be my last raise until I went up for full professor, however.  Make up the difference between my salary and our needs by doing some college admissions consulting with wealthy families.  Keep my fingers crossed that newspapers don’t disappear during our lifetime.  (Ha!)

2) Seek sustainable employment elsewhere—a tenure-line faculty position, an academic staff position, an alt-ac job in industry, etc.  Or start my own thing, which isn’t immediately realistic because while living in Boise we’ve spent down our savings to a point where I can’t justify striking out on my own.

 

V.

Some people think I’m crazy to be discussing this in the open, under my real name.  And yet when I burst into my department chair’s office on the first day of classes this fall and ranted that the HR folks from a top university where I applied for a fabulous staff job way back in early July chose that day to get back to me, she merely told me, “Of course you’re available. Immediately, if need be.  Take the interview.”

 

VI.

And so I’ve been thinking about fit.  Do I serve a community better as faculty or in another role?  Am I happier with the relatively autonomous but always-on faculty life or in a staff position where I don’t typically have to take work home every evening and work on weekends?  Which is more important to me–the prestige of a tenure-line position or something resembling financial security?  What’s best for my spouse and son?

Must it be either/or?  Because I spend an awful lot of my faculty job doing things that don’t cleanly fit into teaching, research, outreach, or service, but which are sometimes all four simultaneously.  And when I was on the staff side of academia, I engaged with more intellectually challenging and paradigm-shifting material at conferences than I ever have as a faculty member.

I’m thinking a research institute would be a really good fit, inside or outside a university—but probably inside would be better.  If the job’s primary mission was conveying complex information to a public audience, that would be awesome.

It ends up that the job for which I have a second interview on Monday is at a research institute in a terrific interdisciplinary field of study, and it involves lots of interpretation of research and social issues for the public. Without discussing exact numbers, the HR rep who conducted the first interview said the salary would be “comfortably above” my current one.  (I’ve done my research, and “comfortably above” is a euphemism for “a hell of a lot more.”)  On top of it all, I find the university’s location very attractive.

Wish me luck?

All I have are random bullets

It’s the beginning of the semester, and as usual, I’m pulled in a hundred different directions.

  • The project from my internship with Seth Godin–it’s a hybrid online/offline learning experience–is in pre-launch.  If the project sounds interesting to you, you can sign up for updates.
  • I’m playing intern matchmaker at work, and all kinds of new opportunities are emerging, which not only is awesome for history majors and grad students, but certainly makes my job easier.
  • I’m once again co-directing our department’s initiative to pull our public history master’s degree program into the 21st century; our first meeting took place today, and I’m optimistic about the year.
  • I had a phone interview late last week for a staff job in a great research institute at a fabulous university in a desirable location, and all indications are it went well. They asked for samples of a fairly specific genre of writing–interpreting academic research for an educated audience–and today HR indicated the right people were pleased with the sample articles and social media posts I wrote for them. Fingers crossed. . .
  • Lucas tests tomorrow for his blue belt in Taekwondo.
  • Today Lucas is eight!  I should write a birthday post, but I’m too tired.
  • If Lucas is eight, that means The Clutter Museum is almost that old as well.  Yikes.
  • Thanks to the university’s new core course requirements (no history courses necessary!) my lower-division course is under-enrolled by half.  (In the past, it had a waiting list.)  My upper-division course on U.S. women is absolutely packed, however.

Let’s close with the obligatory cute first-day-of-school photo of my geek-in-training:

LucasFirstDaySecondGrade

 

What are you up to these days?

 

 

Random paragraphs, end of summer edition

Island hopping

I step back to the classroom tomorrow to teach two courses with ridiculously sweeping titles: U.S. History to 1877 and Women in America: Colonial Era to the Present.  Fortunately, I’m not one to fret about coverage.  As I’m sure I’ve explained somewhere on this blog or its predecessor, I take the islands-in-an-archipelago approach to teaching history.

My dad asked if I would be covering the relationship of Prohibition to women’s suffrage in the latter. He said in his day, women’s history wasn’t included at all, and this seemed a good topic.  I reminded him that I am, ahem, me, and thus the course would cover instead reproductive health in the Revolutionary era, women’s Transatlantic abolitionism, adolescent sexuality in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, American Indian Movement activists, Chicana feminism, and Asian American popular culture.

 

There’s a hole in mommy’s car where all the money goes

It’s been quite a summer.

The Big Dog needed a new knee.

roboleg

 

He won’t stop licking the damn leg, and he won’t wear an Elizabethan collar (“Cone of Shame”) or doughnut (“Life Preserver of Shame”), and he doesn’t seem to mind bitter apple, so we’ve been forced to keep the wound covered, sedate him, and keep an eye on him at all times.  I’m happy to report, however, that tonight he took me on an honest-to-goodness pull around the block, only two weeks after surgery, using all four legs, including one that is technically broken:

pull

The rear-ended car that the insurance company said they’d be able to repair ended up being totalled.  Because of this massive damage:

ding

 

Of course we didn’t get sufficient cash back to buy a decent car, but our friendly credit union gave us a little loan to make up the difference, so now we have this:

Avalon

 

. . .which is basically the same car we had before, only six years newer, and with all the styling my inner 60-year-old woman appreciates, like automotive-primer-gray leather seats, a prominent digital display of the cardinal direction the car is pointed, and a faux wood burl dash:

Stylin

But hey, I can’t complain.  It’s the third time I’ve bought the first car I test drove (and I’ve only bought three cars).  I’m one of those research-research-research-OK-let’s-get-this-DONE buyers.  (It’s the academic writer in me.)

 

Second grade

The boy heads to second grade next week, and a couple days later turns eight.

I’m a bit worried about the whole second-grade thing.  In 18 months, he’s gone from struggling with Hop on Pop to blazing through Eragon.  Phonics is going to seem reeeeeeallllllly boring.  He’s also drawing and filling out multiplication tables for fun.  I need to budget for a math tutor, as he’ll soon be surpassing my meager knowledge–once letters and numbers begin to mingle, I’m pretty useless.

Meanwhile, I’m keeping him busy.

getthecorners

Program prioritization

Idaho universities must prioritize all their programs.  Our administrators are tossing around words like “metrics” and “analytics,” terms that typically elicit two responses from faculty in the humanities and social sciences: (a) tuning out or (b) anxiety.  I’m gathering some metrics I think should be included in the discussion; expect a blog post on the topic soon.

To do (fall semester edition)

  • Finish (finally, for realz) the prison artifact article
  • Revise zoo director article
  • Give feedback on WordPress plugin
  • Finish wolf essay
  • Launch Stories of Idaho
  • Support fellow interns as they launch that neat thing we built this summer
  • Get LLC and insurance for launch of side hustle

Whew! I have a fellowship in the spring to work on one (!!!) project and forgo teaching and service (!!!!!!!!), but I’ll be occupied as well with pulling together a tenure portfolio, as I’m eligible to submit it fall 2014.

 

What’s keeping you busy or anxious at the moment?

 

None of this would be possible, of course, without Fang

All my big dreaming, all my traveling hither and yon, with or without Lucas (but especially without), would not be possible without Fang’s steadfast support.

How amazing is he?  Check out his latest post, in which he braves wildfire to get the dog to surgery. . .

. . .and then realize he’s spent just about every minute since then trying to keep the dog calm.  The dog is normally pretty unflappable, but thus far, he’s in full freak-out mode:

  • The dog has eaten his sutures, which is quite a feat, as they were under his skin, not outside it.
  • The dog rejected the Cone of Dumbness that would have prevented him from eating his sutures–Fang hypothesizes the freak-out was part from the dog’s dislike of collars, and part from a belief that his body may have disappeared since he can no longer see it.
  • Fang tried bitter apple spray on the dog’s wound, but the stuff aerosolizes, which means Fang has had bitter apple taste in his mouth for days (not pleasant, I assure you).
  • Fang has taken the dog to the vet for additional wound wraps and sedatives.
  • When all other measures didn’t work, Fang sat on the floor with the dog, which was the only thing that kept the beast from hyperventilating.  The dog now will only sleep with his head on Fang’s lap.
The big dog, briefly in repose.

The big dog, briefly in repose.

Here’s to Fang, who was supposed to have a vacation from family responsibilities this week, and instead has all the responsibilities of a toddler’s parent.

The Leslie multiverse

When I returned home from the final day of my short, grossly underpaid stint as a staff writer for a newspaper named for a fish that climbs out of the water to mate, Fang–then the art director of the paper—sent me an e-mail in which he expressed his delight in working with me and announced that “in a parallel universe, we made a terrific couple!”

My first thought—after shit shit shit! (because I had harbored a crush on him for a couple months, and in ten days I would move from Long Beach to Iowa City)—was, “Wait a minute; I live in a parallel universe.”

That sentiment emerged from my experience as someone who was socially awkward and thus lived intellectually and psychologically on the margins of my world even as I seemed to bodily inhabit it.  I like to think I’ve overcome most of my social awkwardness (ha! more like embraced it), so in recent years I’ve seen myself as on a sometimes unconventional path through Earth Prime.

 

But then, suddenly, this summer has been all about parallel universes.

I’ve spent almost as much time outside Boise as I have in it: a dozen days or so in the Bay Area and Davis, California for a women-in-technology unconference and archival research; two weeks in a village just north of New York City for my internship with Seth; and ten days in Long Beach visiting family and trying to recover from what turned into a summer in which I worked a lot and accomplished much, but none of it what I projected in my faculty activity plan.

I stayed in Davis long enough to feel as if I had moved right back into the town. My evenings and weekends were packed with visits with friends and former colleagues, and it was downright charming—perfect, in fact, except for the absence of Lucas, Fang, and a bicycle. And indeed, in a parallel universe, I never left Davis, never landed a job in the ultra-collegial history department at Boise State, never met all the funny and awesome Boiseans whose friendships I treasure.

Then there was the internship with Seth Godin. As you know, I’m still processing it. But for two weeks I inhabited a parallel universe in which I wasn’t an academic, in which people valued my expertise and skills differently (more highly! more openly!) than in my everyday professorial life.

And Long Beach. Honestly, I’ve long had a love/hate relationship with this city. It would take a lot of therapy, and a lot more writing, for me to distill what exactly it is I believe about Long Beach—typical, I suppose, of any place where one’s family has lived for nearly a century. But this trip has been delightful thus far. I’ve spent lots of time with my sister, helping her with her business, but more importantly hanging out with her mercurial two-year-old daughter and absolutely charming three-month-old son.

Today, for example, I breakfasted with Lucas and my parents, then headed down to a local saltwater lagoon because my parents said with its restoration, it’s possible to stand on the pier that runs across it and see jellyfish.  Lucas and I saw huge moon jellies, yes, but also lots of fish, an egret, crabs, a skate, and an octopus that put on quite a show of locomotion and camouflage. Then we went down to Newport Beach, where, just as I settled into my beach chair, a pod of dolphins swam near shore and stayed for a while to play and feed.  I headed out into the waves with Lucas and my parents, and we took turns body boarding in the excellent surf. We were amused by the biggest, fastest fish I’ve ever seen in such shallow waters—maybe three feet long and six to eight inches tall. I finished out the day with my sister and her family at a concert in a park featuring a really fun 1980s cover band.  We dined on some of the best Thai food I’ve ever had.

 

It would be easy to dismiss such relaxing, delightful experiences as a vacationer’s indulgence. And for me, at the moment they are. And the story I’ve been telling myself all these years is that Long Beach is too expensive a place to live on an academic’s salary—hell, Boise is, too—yet millions of people manage to live in Southern California, and probably hundreds of thousands of them end up at the beach each day during the summer, even on a weekday. The secondary narrative is that even if I did see an academic job advertised here that paid sufficiently, the applicant pool is too competitive because the weather is nice and the cultural resources are plentiful.

With these thoughts running through my head, I count down the days—three, now—before I must return to Boise for the new semester (at a job, remember, I love—but whose salary is insufficient). I look at the news and see that much of the country immediately outside Boise is on fire, which means horrifying air quality (Lucas and I both have asthma). I think about how unhappy Fang has been in Boise, and how few connections we’ve been able to make in the city because everyone else at Lucas’s school seems to have deep family roots in town and established social networks that can be difficult to penetrate.*  And I wonder why the hell I’m going back there.

Because despite my mild-mannered academic life, the truth is, I fully inhabit a parallel universe—one in which as a professor I apply for stuff that seems crazy, like two weeks of 7 a.m.-to-1 a.m. days as an intern for a mystery project with a marketing genius on the other side of the country.

 

During that internship, Seth dedicated the last couple days to not only tying up loose ends, but to having individual conversations with each of us about where we’re headed next.  My private meeting with Seth lasted only a few minutes, but what emerged was this: I’m way too intelligent and talented to feel underappreciated, and I’m too smart to stay somewhere I’m not adequately financially compensated for my work.

As I mentioned in a previous post, later that day, during the business brainstorming session, I tossed out an idea I had no intention of following up on myself, but which a room full of frighteningly bright people seemed to think was a perfect fit for me.  I began reading the websites of other people in this professional niche, and I realized—I admit, to as much horror as delight—I would very likely succeed in it.

I pulled Seth aside and asked him what he would do if he were me, in an academic culture that (a) expects us to give 110% of our waking hours to the job and (b) doesn’t usually smile upon professorial entrepreneurialism unless it directly benefits the university.  As I remember the conversation, Seth pressed me: Was I worried people wouldn’t like me if I took on a side project that had a high financial return on a small investment of my time?  Yes, I said, I was.  Then he asked which was more important to me: making six figures or being liked by my colleagues. I averted my eyes and said, “Making enough to fully support my family.”  To which he added quickly, “They’re going to like you anyway.”

I ran this conversation by a friend and colleague, and she confirmed that yes, indeed, this narrative of doom-and-gloom was mostly in my head, and not based in reality.  The university, she says, wants faculty to be out in the community, and now that she knew about this potential side hustle, she’d think I was crazy not to pursue it.

And it is crazy not to at least give it a try. It shouldn’t prove much of a distraction from my university duties, nor a conflict with them. So I’m spending the final evenings of summer researching the field, creating a website, and filing the appropriate paperwork with the state to make everything above-board.

Worst-case scenario?  I fail, and I learn to survive on a professorial gig I love and at which by all accounts I’m excelling. Somehow, I find ways to make Idaho life less corrosive on my family’s individual and collective psyches.

Best-case scenario?  I try this for a couple of years, I’m crazy successful at it, and I get to pick which path to take: an intellectually rich but financially unstable life as a tenured historian in a state for which I’ll never be a booster, or this other thing—I promise not to be coy about it much longer—that would allow me to live wherever I want (read: near my extended family).

So here’s to parallel universes, as confusing as they can be when they become less-than-parallel and intersect.  This should be fun.

*When complaining thus, I need to acknowledge my gratitude for Lisa V. and Bert V., who have been so generous with their kindness and their Thanksgiving dinners. Without them, we’d feel completely alienated from non-university life in Boise.

 

Post-internship processing

Home again, home again, jiggety-jig.  I arrived to an insurance company’s decision to total our rear-ended car for an amount that won’t allow us to buy a similar vehicle in the region, a dog needing an expensive outpatient surgery that’s only available halfway across the state, and other assorted household emergencies.

I wanted to share a few thoughts before the internship with Seth Godin recedes too far in the rear-view mirror.  Sharing isn’t easy, however, for three reasons: the experience was intense–many days I worked from 7 a.m. to 1 a.m.–and densely packed with learning, it was marked by incredible emotional dynamism, and we all agreed at the outset its details would be off the record. Therefore, I can’t share anything beyond my own experience, though I will certainly point to the result of our efforts if and when it becomes public.

If you had told me five years ago that I’d find a two-week internship with “America’s Greatest Marketer”* to be life-changing, I’d be incredibly skeptical.  And yet that’s what it promises to be if I follow through on its lessons.

Seth assembled an amazing team of interns, and there’s definitely a sense going forward that we have each other’s backs. I have new friends I can lean on if I need help with design, user interfaces, development, branding, communication, law, business management, and all manner of other things.  It was refreshing to have my skills and expertise be acknowledged and valued so openly by so many people, every single day.  So much generosity!  (I must remember to infuse my workaday academic life with more of this quality.)

The whole internship—and Seth himself proved particularly adept at this—held up a mirror that showed me not only what I’m capable of, but what stories I’ve been telling myself that are limiting my growth professionally and personally. At one point, we were brainstorming, and I tossed out an idea for a service somebody who is definitely not me could provide, and over the next hour just about everyone in the room leaned toward me and whispered yes, that’s absolutely something YOU SHOULD DO, and Seth provided some very specific ideas about how to launch such a project. I had never considered this particular endeavor before, but it might be both financially and geographically sustainable for my family, and it sits at a pleasant and convenient intersection of my experience, knowledge, skills, and interests.

Alas, that’s all the information I can offer you at this moment.  (If you’re interested in the big concepts, Barrett Brooks provides a distillation of the common lessons many of us learned–or, more likely, relearned–during the internship.) I’m still processing everything, though, so undoubtedly bits of my learning will seep onto the blog over the coming months.

Overall, I’m profoundly grateful for the opportunity. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

 

*His renown in this arena aside, Seth is so much more than a marketer. If you’re not familiar with his work, I recommend three recent posts of his:

Long days at the internship

I haven’t been this tired since those 15 months of sleepless nights after Lucas was born.

It’s enough, perhaps, to say that this internship has been, and will continue to be, transformative.  I’m working with 17 amazing people who set the bar higher every day.  Days are long, work is hard, and everyone is at once vulnerable and brave.  It’s absolutely, wonderfully crazy, and I can’t believe it will be over in a week.

Please don’t make me go back to grading papers.  This is far more fun.